The Hogwarts Stalker
by Animagus
Summary: A mystery - includes several characters doing illegal things; Hogwarts is being terrorized by a mysterious streaker... but it's not who they think it is!! Also, McGonagall has fallen in love as a result many are traumatized for life... R/R


**_A Hogwarts Stalker_**

By Animagus

All things relating to Harry Potter including all the characters mentioned in this fan-made story belong to Ms J.K. Rowling (lucky, lucky, lucky!!!)

_R/R!_

_…………………………………………………………………………………………………_

_"Hey, Cho! Guess what?" Terry Boot ran to catch up with me._

_"What?" I say absentmindedly._

_"Harry Potter has a crush on you!"_

_"Shut up. I honestly do not care, okay? Anyways, it's not like I didn't know. I'm going to the library, so go away." _

_"I'll come!"_

_"Go away!"_

_"Okay. See you later Cho!" He ran off down a different corridor._

_"What a moron," I mutter under my breath. I have a mission, and I can't let stupid kids get in my way. Terry's all right most of the time, but the reason I didn't want him along is because it would interfere with my plans._

_I continue to creep along the gray walls of Hogwarts, heading for the library and keeping out of site. It's eight o'clock in the morning, late enough for most students to be awake; in a while I'll be going to the Great Hall for breakfast and Dumbledore will make an announcement that someone's been attacked, and everybody will look around, trying to guess who it is… but nobody will think of me. _

_The stiff, scratchy material that lines the of my cloak brushes against my legs and I eagerly anticipate finding my next victim. Yes, this time I'm going to terrorize not a student, but a faculty member._

_Of course I told my friends that I was looking up a book about Transfiguration in the library. They believed me. Transfiguration is my most loathed subject. What idiots._

_The librarian, Madam Pince, has always been nasty to me. She never let me out of her site, watching me like a hawk until I left the library and always, always finding some sort of minute flaw about the books when I returned them and giving me detention for "damaging library material."_

Yes, she most certainly deserves to be punished. She won't suspect that it's me of course; that makes it all the more exciting. 

_The library looms ahead, dark and silent. Madam Pince should be cleaning up and getting ready to open up for the day. I glide swiftly into the library and turn to face the librarian. Her back is turned to me as she unknowingly shelves books._

_Silently I take a big black drawstring bag out of my pocket and pull it down over my head. It's enchanted, of course, so that I can see perfectly through it, but it shields my face from any onlookers. My long black hair is tied in a bun in the back of my head so that it's hidden. Time for action. I give a small cough, which alerts her attention. Madam Pince turns around curiously._

_In a flash, my cloak comes off. I am wearing not a stitch underneath._

_Madam Pince eyes widen and she makes a terrified choking noise. Stumbling backward and stuttering, she trips over a stack of books and comes crashing to the ground._

Still dangling my cloak from one hand, I decide that my work here is done. Madam Pince has passed out, and that's my cue to leave. Covering myself once more and taking off the black bag, I grab a book titled "Modern Transfiguration" and dash back towards Ravenclaw tower to plan my next attack.

The Mystery Hogwarts Stalker: Part A By Animagus 

Harry walked down the halls to breakfast the next morning, accompanied by Ron and Hermione. All three were incredibly tired, having stayed up until three a.m. the previous night working on Divination homework. Even Hermione was in a haze, which was odd as she usually stayed up late studying anyway.

When they reached the Great Hall, the first thing that caught Harry's eye was a small poster tacked to the School Announcements bulletin board. A group of kids were mulling around it, looking excited.

Ron, the tallest, stood on his toes to see over the crowd and read out loud,

The _Hogwarts Weekly___ A new weekly newspaper coming soon! 

**Know everything going around Hogwarts; submit your own articles and ads; **

**be kept up to date on all school events!  **

**Buy a copy for five Knuts, starting next week!**

**  
Editor: Fred Weasley**

**Journalist: George Weasley**

**Photographer: Fred and George Weasley**

Fred and George were standing next to the sign, answering questions and grinning broadly.

"Cool!" Harry exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm sure going to buy a copy!" Ron said. "I wonder what they'll write about?"

"It's certainly a good idea," said Hermione, "I wonder why nobody else thought of that?"

"You mean, why didn't _you _think of that." Harry nagged. Hermione just grinned.

The three sat down at their usual places and talked with Lee Jordan about Fred and George's newspaper. At the other end of the table, Harry could hear Colin Creevey talking excitedly about how he was going to ask to be an extra photographer.

Harry looked around. His attention landed on Cho Chang. She was sitting quietly at Ravenclaw table and looking extremely happy about something. He followed her line of sight and saw that she was staring fixedly at Dumbledore.

Just then, Dumbledore stood up and motioned for the students to be silent. When the Hall was quiet, he looked at McGonagall, then back at them and said, "Students… another person has been attacked."

They entire Hall gasped. They all knew what he was talking about. Ever since school started, there'd been a series of attacks on students. A total of eleven students so far had been cornered and horrendously submitted to a dreadful ordeal… a mysterious teenage girl had whipped off her cloak in front of them and not been wearing anything underneath. 

Next to him, Ron sighed and rubbed his temples. Harry knew what he was thinking. Since yesterday, they'd been so bogged down with homework that they had managed to forget about the attacks. With no news for several weeks, the school had been just barely beginning to cheer up. And now this.

Rumors had been going around since the year began as to whom this girl was, ("I swear it was Madam Pomfrey! Really!") but no one really knew who it was. They were all terrified and Harry himself had made a point to not go anywhere without at least two other people.

Dumbledore continued, "This time, it was not a student, but a member of the faculty that was victimized. Again, if anyone has _any _information about the identity of this lady, please report it to me immediately." 

He sat back down and the Hall broke out in hushed whispers.

"Oh no, not a professor…" moaned Hermione.

"He didn't say professor, Hermione," Ron said. "Hope it was Filch…"

"Yeah," said Harry, "It could've been anybody. A house-elf even!"

Hermione, Ron and Harry all frowned at this mental image.

"Um, lets get to class," said Hermione, "suddenly I'm not very hungry."

Harry and Ron nodded and gathered their stuff for double Charms with the Hufflepuffs.

**Later that day…**

Fred and George walked together to Transfiguration, talking.

"So you really think it'll work?" Fred whispered.

"Yep," George grinned. "It should start in a few hours."

"Cool!" Fred laughed. "I can't wait to see the look on Snape's face!" His expression turned to one of worry. "Are you – absolutely – sure they can't prove it was us?"

"I'm sure!" Fred whispered, but he was a bit worried as well. "Anyways, even if what we happen to be doing _is _illegal – " 

George nodded.

"But it will be so worth it!! Just think…"

Fred and George thought. Two identical evil grins spread across each of their faces.

"Yeah, but we won't land in Azkaban. It's just a fine or something. Anyway, like I said, they can't prove it was us."

"A few hours…" George sighed, strolling into the Transfiguration classroom. "Such a long time to wait… and so worth it…!"

…………………….

Harry glanced at his schedule. Last class: double Potions with Slytherins. _Perfect end to the day, _he thought, staring glumly down at the paper in his hands.

"Might as well get it over with," said Ron, with a frown.

Hermione sighed. "Come on, you never know. Today's lesson might be interesting for a change." 

Ron snorted, "Yeah, and maybe Snape will adopt Harry and we'll all live happily ever after."

But they set off towards the dungeons anyway.

Snape was acting his usual self of course. He had them concoct a Drowsiness Potion and graded them on it (Malfoy got full marks though his was much too thin and the wrong color, according to Hermione). Snape scowled at the Gryffindors and set about at his usual task, trying to make everybody's life hell even if it was only for an hour.

Just as Snape was about to assign them homework (probably a five-foot long essay) something very extraordinary happened. Professor McGonagall burst through the door to Snape's classroom with a huge smile and a platter of… cookies?

Snape raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to say something. Before he could, though, McGonagall ran over and said, "Sevvie! I brought you cookies!"

The class's mouths fell open. Snape looked shocked.

"I made them myself, just for you! Look!" She held the plate of pink heart-shaped cookies under his nose and smiled innocently.

"Ah – thank you… Minerva..." Snape managed to stutter.

"Oh, you like them!" She giggled. "Good!" Her eyes had begun to water.

"Would you like to join me for dinner in Hogsmeade sometime?" McGonagall seemed completely oblivious to the twenty-six students gaping at her.

"Ah…" Snape's eyes were bulging and he was inching away from her slowly. "No, no I don't think so, Minerva…errmm…."

"But, Sevvie… I should be so lonely without you! Dear Severus…" She swooned.

"Don't you… have a class this hour?" Snape grimaced.

"No." McGonagall set the plate of cookies on his desk with a flourish.

But that wasn't right, thought Harry. Ginny had told him she had Transfiguration last…

"Please leave my classroom, Minerva. I have a class to teach." Snape was still in as deep a state of shock as they'd ever seen him in, but seemed to be recovering his wits.

"Oh, I'm sorry Severus dear!" She gave a start and looked at the class as though seeing them all for the first time. "I'll just sit in the corner and watch, shall I?" 

And with that, McGonagall dragged a chair over to the corner and sat down, silent as a mouse.

Snape frowned and stared coldly at her. Then he made an exasperated noise and told the class to open their textbooks to page 186. Throughout the lesson his eyes bulged and his face twitched violently.

As the class read from their book (and threw nervous half-glances at McGonagall in the corner), Snape was visibly uncomfortable. McGonagall was quiet, but she was staring at Snape with some sort of awe. He obviously didn't know how to handle the situation. 

The bell rang a few minutes later and the class stampeded out into the hallway, talking excitedly.

"Did you see the look on his face?"

"She was practically on top of him!"

"Has McGonagall gone insane?"

"She doesn't _fancy _him, does she?!"

"What was _that _all about?" Harry said. It had seemed as though she were in love with him or something! But why? McGonagall hated Snape, she always had. 

"What _was _that all about?" Hermione agreed.

"I do not – know." Ron said. "But it was pretty damn funny!" With that, he and Harry burst out laughing and couldn't stop until they reached the Great Hall with blue faces and stitches in their sides.

The next day… 

The first thing Harry, Ron, and Hermione noticed when they walked into the Transfiguration classroom for their second-to-last lesson of the day (with the Slytherins) was the many large posters covering her walls. They were glamour shots¾of Snape.

Harry could hardly tell it was Snape in those pictures; the computer-generated background and impeccable robes just didn't suit him.

"Looks like Snape can't even wash his hair for a glamour photo," Ron commented.

"Looks like it," Hermione grimaced. "What I want to know is when and _why _did Snape get those taken? And how on Earth did _she _get hold of them?" She pointed to McGonagall, who was sitting at her desk and carefully writing on a pale pink sheet of parchment.

When they'd settled down, McGonagall absent-mindedly proceeded to call roll, something that rarely ever happened because McGonagall always knew exactly which students were supposed to be where and when, without having to consult any sort of list.

"Miss Parkinson?"

The class looked guiltily at each other and at their desks. They all knew exactly where Pansy Parkinson was: in the girls' restroom; she'd told them that before rushing out of room in a mad dash with a green face and her hands clamped over her mouth. The students glanced nervously up at the glamour shots of Snape and remained quiet.

McGonagall scribbled something on her paper and continued. When finished, she instructed them to turn to page 470 in their books and memorize that chapter.

As it turned out, there _was _no page 470. Their books had 306 pages. Harry looked up at McGonagall and saw that she was again writing on pink parchment.

Unnerved by the Snape photos and their professor's odd behavior, Harry and Ron talked quietly about Quidditch for the rest of the hour. Hermione, who had been pretending that nothing at all was out of the ordinary, studied.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry watched his McGonagall apply lipstick and give her letter a big fat kiss. She then lovingly folded it into thirds and slipped it into a pink envelope. As if that wasn't enough, she twiddled her wand and caused the envelope to give a faint pinkish glow.

"I think I'm going to be sick," commented Ron who was also watching.

Thoroughly disgusted, Harry watched McGonagall take another poster of Snape from behind her desk and walk to the back of the room to patch it over a bare spot on the wall.

McGonagall didn't seem to notice when several more green-shaded students ran out of the room clutching their faces and convulsing.

Pansy Parkinson was still gone, as were a few other people, when the bell rang.

"That was disgusting!!" Harry said as they left the room.

"Agreed." Ron said.

Harry and Ron waved goodbye to Hermione and headed towards the North Tower for their first Divination lesson of the year.

"I wonder how I'm going to die this year," Harry mused.

Ron laughed. "I'm just glad we don't have to do stars and planets again. Wonder what's next?"

Harry shrugged. Neither of them knew why they were even taking Divination this year. They climbed through the trapdoor and into the familiar dim room.

Trelawney was nowhere to be seen, as expected, so they took seats at a table with Neville and Seamus.

Seconds later, Trelawney glided out of the shadows, making Lavender gasp (nobody else was impressed).

She stood before them like a giant bat in overlarge glasses, and said wispily, "Good afternoon, my dears."

"Hello professor!" Harry said cheerfully. "I didn't die this summer!"

The class stifled laughs.

Trelawney pursed her lips and went on as though nothing had happened. "This year we shall be studying the more intricate and advanced levels of Divination. Please take a stack of Tarot Cards from the east wall and follow the directions on page 46 of your book."

This caused some confusion, as nobody knew which wall was the east wall, but in a few minutes they all found their seats again with a stack of cards.

Harry and Ron goofed off throughout the lesson as their cards came up reading things like, 'you will be kissed by someone you thought was your enemy' and other terrible things. Harry wondered if Trelawney had purposely bewitched a stack of cards to come up with only horrifying things.

"What's this one?" Harry showed his card to Ron. "It's not in the book."

Professor Trelawney, who had been wandering around and commenting on the student's work, snatched the card from his hands.

Her eyes widened and she gave the card back as though dropping a hot potato.

"What is it?" Harry asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

No one spoke.

Trelawney stared hard at Harry. "It is the very worst, my dear. It is death¾"

The room was filled with loud gasps (and even more loud boos).

"But that is not all," she said dramatically as soon as the commotion had died down. "It is death ¾ by molestation!"

……………..

"What an old cow," Ron said when they'd left the room to go to dinner.

"No kidding. Gosh – _molestation_?" Harry sighed. "I guess the old 'betrayed by a friend and dying a slow gory disgusting death' routine was getting boring."

"She needed a new angle." Ron agreed.

"This is going to be _all over _the school by tomorrow." Harry cringed.

He was right. For the next week he received constant scathing remarks from Malfoy and co. Not to mention, Lavender and Parvatti seemed to think that he needed bodyguards. They stuck to his side in between classes and gave frightened looks to any adult that came within ten feet of him.

Hogwarts was chaos. Aside from the supposed Harry-child-molesting thing, there was Snape and his 'admirer'. He seemed to always be running into McGonagall, who insisted on sending him long love letters, cookies, candy and flowers 24/7.

On top of it all, there was the Hogwarts Stalker. Neither Harry, Ron, or Hermione had been terrorized so far (thank God) but the number of students being attacked was growing steadily. Almost every morning  Dumbledore would stand up at breakfast, solemnly report another victim (or two), and remind them not to go anywhere alone. Everyone willingly obliged.

A week after Harry was predicted to die of molestation, something happened that lightened the morale at Hogwarts by a great deal.

Fred and George's first issue of the _Hogwarts Weekly _came out. They must've made a fortune, selling all those issues at breakfast, lunch and in between classes. It seemed that _everyone _had a copy. When Harry bought one after breakfast that day, the first thing that caught his eye was:

**Head of House Romances?**

   Professor M. McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House and Transfiguration teacher, has been widely known to be very level-headed and practical, _reports George Weasley._ Could it be that such a sensible professor has finally cracked and gone mad? The rumors that Professor McGonagall fancied a certain Potions Master were verified as fact last Tuesday when McGonagall read a long and, in this reporter's opinion, disgustingly mushy love letter to Professor Snape in front of his class.

   "It was really gross," says Slytherin student Pansy Parkinson.

   "I saw her chasing Snape down the hall with a bunch of roses," admits young Dennis Creevey of Gryffindor.

   Is this a long-withheld passion that has been tormenting our Transfiguration professor for many years? Perhaps her insane love has been threatening to break free since she first laid eyes on the exceedingly handsome Severus Snape, but whatever it is, she has attracted the attention of every pupil in this school with her mad crush.

   When looking at a starry-eyed Professor McGonagall as she brings cookies and flowers to Snape's office, a student must hope that she has not gone _completely _blind.

   Professor S. Snape was unavailable for an interview.

Harry laughed. Next to it was a snapshot of McGonagall handing a bouquet of roses to Snape in the hallways. Snape was blanching and trying to escape while McGonagall (giggling) kept pulling him back into the photgraph.

There were more articles with headlines such as 'Hogwarts Flasher Still at Large' and 'Harry Potter – to be Child Molested?'. _At least_, thought Harry as he made a mental note to maim George for that last one, _these will lift everyone's spirits. Leave it to the twins to do that._

…………………..

Cho Chang didn't buy a newspaper. She knew it would only be full of stories about 'the flasher' so why bother? No, while the rest of the students milled around the Great Hall that morning reading their papers, Cho was stealthily prowling over the Hogwarts grounds and towards the greenhouses…


End file.
